How Js and Ps Can Live in Harmony 8

Within the 16 Myers-Briggs personality types, 8 types are Judgers and 8 types are Perceivers. Judgers like order, plans and organization, while Perceivers prefer to remain flexible, adaptable and spontaneous. If not understood, the J/P difference can cause several issues at work or school and with friends and family.

Telling the difference between Judger and Perceiver friends is pretty easy. You’re Judger friends are the ones who are always on time (if not early) for an event, volunteer to plan events and social outings, have everything they do on some sort of calendar or schedule, like to have plans set at least a week ahead of time, are good at meeting deadlines and get frustrated when things don’t go according to plan. If they invite you over for dinner at 7:00 p.m. it means dinner will be on the table at 7:00 p.m.

You’re perceiver friends are the ones who sometimes run late, like to keep their options open – likely not having set plans until the night before or day of, are easily adaptable to changes in plan, become frustrated with a strict routine and often procrastinate. If they invite you over for dinner at 7:00 p.m. it means dinner will be on the table around 7:30 or 8:00, or just whenever, ya know?

The environments we surround ourselves in can shape a natural J or P to seem more like the other, but in general these traits are pretty common among both preferences. So how can Judgers and Perceivers live in harmony with each other without driving each other crazy?

Here are a few things Perceivers should know about Judgers:

1. We place a high value on being on time. If someone is more than 15 minutes late for a meeting, we will probably become annoyed. If someone is more than 30 minutes late, we will feel disrespected. If someone is not able to meet at the scheduled time, we prefer to know in advance. We prefer to reschedule or even plan to meet an hour later if that means avoiding waiting for someone for a long period of time.

2. Last minute changes stress us out. If we plan an event and you RSVP to come solo, but then show up with a few guests, we’ll stress about how to accommodate for the extra guests and won’t be able to enjoy ourselves until we have that figured out.

3. We like closure. We are happiest when everything is clearly defined – whether that be a relationship, plans for the weekend, our role at work or within a group, etc.

4. Even quieter, introverted Js can become very assertive and direct when it comes to decisiveness. We don’t like to wait around for things to get done, so if a decision needs to be made and no one seems to care about making it, we’ll step up to the plate. This doesn’t mean we necessarily love to make decisions, but more so that we can’t stand indecisiveness, which for us correlates to wasted time.

5. We do know how to have fun. We don’t all walk around with sticks up our butts, never grinning unless everything is in order. Most Js can be flexible and adaptable when needed and can even do so while still having a good time. As long as Perceivers can understand and acknowledge that some of their actions can bother us, and simply attempt to take these facts into consideration when working, living or engaging with us, then we both can live in harmony.

As an INFJ, I don’t want to attempt to write advice from a Perceiver’s perspective, but I would love to hear from someone regarding what Judgers can do to better work, live and play with Ps.

About Megan

Megan is an introvert and INFJ personality type who enjoys reading, researching, and writing about personality psychology and human behavior. As the founder of this blog, Megan wants to help other INFJs better understand their personality to improve their personal and professional lives.

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8 thoughts on “How Js and Ps Can Live in Harmony

  • Jessica

    Firstly, compliments on this blog, I like the reads and the tips are useful. I love an INFJ, and I would classify myself as a INFP. The J vs P problem is quite evident in our relationship, so I can relate. We have a wonderful relationship, and we’re both very willing to work to make it even better.
    Understanding each other is important, and loving the other even (or especially) for things that might annoy you. 😉
    I think the diffrence is much bigger than you described above, I notice it in a lot of ways. For example fights, my boyfriend hates them and he feels our relationship suffers with every fight. I kind of enjoy the passion, truth and understanding that comes with and after fights.

    So i’d like to add a few things Judgers should know about Percievers:
    1 We enjoy surprises!
    2 We get energy from acting impulsive and flexible.
    3 Not knowing what will come next, in a vacation, on a night, even in a relationship, is exiting and feels like freedom.
    4 We act irresponsible sometimes, and I think that is the downside of percieving. But that risk is usually worth the joys, and most people can think and stop themselves of doing really stupid things on time. Sometimes though (and maybe I just speak for percieving idealists) we can get dragged into a certain mood and mindset and act accordingly even though we will disagree with it an hour later.
    5 Understanding J’s can be difficult, because such a big part of the joy in life comes from acting P. So when someone tells us we shouldn’t be that way, it kind of feels like they don’t want us to be happy or do not accept us as we are. But as long a people express understanding, I’m sure we can find compromises in life. And both personalities can inspire the other, and make life richer.

    • Megan

      Thanks for sharing your perspective! I agree that in order to have successful relationships, Js and Ps both need to understand each other and be willing to compromise. And there is definitely a lot we can learn from each other as well! I love being around Ps because they help me to let go of my tendency for schedule and routine and just enjoy the moment, and I know that my P friends like that I don’t mind taking charge and deciding plans when the time calls for it.

  • RoyalBakaness

    I am definitely a J, but I often joke that I’m a P-wannabe. I like things orderly, I like to know what’s happening, I don’t like last minute changes. But I appreciate the spontaneity and flexibility of Ps. I tell my P friends that a lot. I enjoy having them around to experience their way of doing things. Granted, in some situations they drive me crazy. But I enjoy experiencing their perspective. I have a J acquaintance who insists I would never be able to be compatible with a P, but I beg to differ. I love my P friends!

  • Frasier Linde

    One thing that’s important for Js to do when interacting with Ps is to make sure the P is aware of how important things like timeliness and advanced notice are to you. When we’re not thinking about personality differences, our tendency is to assume others are like us, so a P may not realize how big a deal these things are for a J without being told. Also understand that this kind of planning goes against a P’s natural tendency, so it can be a challenge for them, and expecting perfection in these matters will set you up for disappointment. Ps try to keep their options as open as they can, within the limits set by others and the realities of the world. So make your limits known, ask them to keep you updated, and give them a little slack when you can see they’re making an effort.

    You can also try to compensate for a P’s tendency to be late in your plans; e.g., if you want to meet up by 2:30 and your P friend is typically 10-15 minutes late, ask them to meet you at 2:15, and plan to arrive at 2:20 or 2:25. If they arrive before you, it won’t be as big a deal for them to wait for you as it would be for you to wait for them. If you anticipate having to wait for a P, plan something optional to do while you wait (e.g. if you’re at home, get a head start on your next household chore) so that you won’t feel like they’re wasting your time.

    • celeste1645

      This is great advice. My husband is a P and it drives me crazy! “Tell him its a half hour earlier” is what I always tell people.
      Plan for an optional activity though, I never thought of that, thats good.

  • Susy

    My husband is an entp and has ruined a few vacations due to his refusal to make hotel reservations, choosing instead to just fly by the seat of our pants.
    He learned from those experiences though, so he just leaves the reservations to me. I let him handle the spontaneous activities that we do on the trip. It’s all about compromise and communication.