Love

INFJ and SP Relationships

“As soon as I saw you, I knew an adventure was going to happen.” -Winnie the Pooh

INFJs are much different than SP personality types, but this doesn’t mean that they can’t have fulfilling relationships with individuals who prefer sensing and perceiving. SPs are drawn to INFJs because of their thoughtfulness and depth, and INFJs are attracted to SPs because of their enthusiasm and spontaneity.

The term “opposites attract” couldn’t be truer for relationships between these types. A healthy relationship between an INFJ “Idealist” and an SP “Experiencer” could help both personality types grow in tremendous ways. 

INFJs and ESTPs

As far as the 4-letter type preferences go, INFJs and ESTPs have not one in common. This can lead to misunderstandings and frustrations within the relationship. However, it can also lead to personal growth, as these types can expose each other to different ways of viewing the world.

ESTPs and INFJs actually share the same top four functions, just in an opposite order. The INFJ can help the ESTP develop their Introverted Intuition, while the ESTP can help the INFJ develop their Extroverted Sensing. As the relationship grows these types may discover that they have more in common than they initially thought, and be able to connect on an even deeper and more intimate level.

A relationship between an INFJ and ESTP will likely come with its fair share of challenges due to the major differences between these personality types. ESTPs are often the life of the party, while INFJs feel drained by too much social stimulation. ESTPs are quick to speak what is on their mind. The ESTPs’ method of dealing with conflict can hurt or anger the INFJ, who prefers to avoid conflict or resolve the problem by talking it out. A healthy INFJ-ESTP partnership relies heavily on compromise from both individuals in order to be successful.

INFJs and ISTPs

Like with the INFJ-ESTP relationship, INFJs and ISTPs are initially drawn toward one another because of their differences. According to Just Your Type*, “ISTPs are often drawn to INFJs’ creativity, originality, and strength of their convictions. ISTPs admire INFJs’ compassion and are impressed by their ability to articulate their visions and global perspective… INFJs admire ISTPs’ adaptability, varied skills, and free-spirited curiosity about the physical world.”

These introverted types are fairly independent and can understand each others’ need for personal space and alone time. They both enjoy pursuing their varied interests and can introduce each other to exciting new experiences. However, their differences can also lead to frustration. Miscommunication is one of the top issues that INFJ-ISTP couples face. Because they are introverts and thinking types, ISTPs do not like to talk about their feelings. In fact, they might have a hard time understanding what they’re feeling at first and need time to process when frustrated. This may make the INFJ want to dive into the role of therapist, but it’s not healthy for the INFJ to constantly attempt to analyze their partner’s emotions or lack thereof. INFJ-ISTP couples should allow each other time to process their feelings before trying to fix the issue at hand. ISTPs can practice vocalizing how they feel about their partner more often, whereas INFJs can try to express their love and appreciation in actions as well as words.

INFJs and ESFPs

The differences between the INFJ and the ESFP are both what attract these opposites to each other and what can potentially pull them apart. INFJs and ESFPs can share a deep emotional connection. They are both feeling types who value harmony and consider their personal relationships a top priority. INFJs appreciate the ESFPs’ enthusiasm, adventurous spirit, and almost childlike approach to life. ESFPs are attracted to the INFJs’ warmth, creativity, and intellect.

However, if the INFJ and ESFP don’t make an effort to understand each other, the relationship can become turbulent. Both types are emotional and may have trouble dealing with conflict. For example, the ESFP may want to constantly communicate with the INFJ, which the more introverted and independent INFJ might find draining. Instead of communicating this frustration, the INFJ may keep it bottled up until it becomes a much bigger issue resulting in a heated argument. INFJs and ESFPs need to agree to talk about frustrations early on to avoid this type of scenario from happening too often.

This relationship requires clear communication and understanding. INFJs should be open with their ESFP partner about when and why they need alone time so the ESFP doesn’t take it personally. ESFPs can respect their INFJ partner’s need for alone time, as well as support their individual interests and pursuits.

INFJs and ISFPs

An INFJ and ISFP relationship can be full of love, acceptance, and understanding. Both types are introverts and feelers who appreciate harmony and seek to deeply understand their romantic partners, as well as to be understood by them. The INFJ appreciates the warm, sensitive, and artistic nature of the ISFP. The ISFP values the authenticity, intuition, and compassion of the INFJ.

INFJs rely on their Introverted Intuition to make decisions. Howev er, the top function of the ISFP is Introverted Feeling. Instead of relying on intuition or logic, ISFPs are driven by what they feel in the moment. This could result in communication and decision-making issues within the relationship. Issues can also arise due to the J-P difference. INFJs need to understand that their ISFP partner feels happiest when they are allowed flexibility and the ability to make impulsive decisions. ISFPs should understand that not having plans or being late cause stress for INFJs. Both partners need to understand these differences and be willing to compromise for a happy and fulfilled relationship.

Are you in a relationship with an SP? What are some of the benefits and struggles of your relationship? Do you have any other advice for these couples?

*For more information about type compatibility check out Just Your Type by Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger.

Megan is an introvert and INFJ personality type who enjoys reading, researching, and writing about personality psychology and human behavior. As the founder of this blog, Megan wants to help other INFJs better understand their personality to improve their personal and professional lives.

2 Comments

  1. I’m with an INFP, and even we have a lot of challenges! The first noticeable difference between us is that he doesn’t like to plan at all – he likes to let what will be, be. He’d prefer to plan meeting a friend on the day rather than in advanced, and thinking about future possibilities scares him. I however prefer quite a solid plan to follow in my life. I like to think about everything in my life and to “judge” everything, arrange everything into their right place in my mind. Although I am aware that things change, I feel as though I am pretty certain about the general outline of how my life will go – whereas my partner is pretty much clueless – and prefers it that way! He prefers not to set anything in stone. It does take a lot of thinking before I reach a decision because I am a perfectionist, but once I have made that decision, I am fully confident in that choice.

    This can actually cause a lot of problems, when one person wants a lot of certainty and the other finds certainty to be restricting and limiting. For example, I might ask him a month in advanced if he wants to go to some event, as the sooner I know, the sooner I can arrange it, the more affordable it will be to book in advanced etc etc etc. Yet, he would feel anxious about answering in case he changes his mind. Even when I literally need an answer NOW, like what we will do today, he will not feel comfortable answering! Overall though, we are quite a good match I feel, and the problems that do come up are almost always of the same nature.

    I don’t know too much about MBTI so any advice I could give would probably be flawed, but from what I have experienced, for any INFJ’s who are with a P type, just be persistent. If you follow their lead and do not answer what needs to be answered, do what needs to be done, then everything will just start to get even more complicated and stressful. Also, what I have learnt from being with a P type is that honestly INFJ’s, you don’t need to think so much, you don’t need to worry so much, you don’t need to plan so much. Planning is good, but worrying about things that are out of your hands will only cause you to have a very difficult time and that negativity will rub off onto your partner and family etc. Try to relax a bit more, trust that your partner has some things completely covered and that you do not need to make sure everything is done by yourself for it to be done right (I don’t know if this perfectionism and stress etc is just a problem with me personally or whether it is common amongst INFJ’s.)

  2. I have dated an ESFP, and there are some huge challenges with me being an INFJ! We don’t/ did not really understand each other much. He thinks I’m weird, and I think he doesn’t have much depth. He loves to talk about social events and such. Like he is still in high school or something (and he is in his mid 30’s)…and I like having deep , meaningful convo’s – so to him that is boring. The sex was great, but the communication part was seriously lacking with trying to understand each other.

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