Masculinity and Femininity In INFJ Women 12

Masculinity and Femininity In INFJ Women

I recently listened to a podcast for Intuitive Thinking women. I’m not a thinking personality type. My Extroverted Feeling (Fe) is an insanely powerful guide when it comes to my decision-making. However, I could relate to some of the feelings and experiences shared by NT women, primarily the feeling of not quite fitting in with other women and not feeling completely in touch with my femininity.

Although INFJ women are feelers, we’re also one of the least common personality types in women–third after INTJs and INTPs. Introverted Intuition (Ni) dominant types (INxJs) are the least common personality types in the general population. Due to this, even though an INFJ woman is a Feeler personality type, she may struggle to identify with mainstream femininity.

My Experience as an INFJ Woman

In an effort to connect with like-minded female entrepreneurs, I recently joined a few women’s empowerment groups on Facebook. As a scrolled through the posts in one of the groups, I immediately felt like these women were so different from me. They seemed so much more in touch with their femininity and used it as one of the top guiding factors in developing their personal and professional brands. They had jobs titles that involved words like “Goddess”, “Priestess”, and “Queen”. They called each other girl bosses and we’re all about the power of sisterhood.

My experience in these groups was not the first time I felt out-of-place around other women. Growing up I never thought of my gender as a defining part of my identity. I didn’t necessarily feel like I was more masculine than feminine, either. I just felt like myself, whoever that was. Once my Fe started to develop in my teens, I started to become aware of my gender based on how I observed myself fitting in the world as a woman. I started to notice that people made assumptions about me and others based on gender. I didn’t feel like these assumptions were fair or correct, but I also thought I was an exception–maybe most women really are one way and I’m just different.

During my first year of college, my roommate encouraged me to join her sorority. As both an introvert and INFJ personality, I could not have felt more out-of-place in a group than I did in that sorority. The girls were nice and I made some good friends from the experience, but I didn’t feel a strong connection to this sisterhood and I felt guilty every time that I faked it to fit in with the other girls.

After I graduated from college I started to work in marketing, which is a female-dominated field. Most of my female co-workers were SF personality types. I was able to find shared interests and get along with the women at work, but I still felt like a duck in a pond of swans most of the time. I could easily swim along next to them, but I would never be able to completely fit in.

Masculine Vs Feminine Energy in INFJs

What INFJs extrovert, or show to the outside world, is their feeling function. More women than men identify as Feeler personality types. So to the outside world, an INFJ woman may seem to possess many feminine personality traits. However, our dominant function is Introverted Intuition. Because of this, an INFJ may find that they can relate to an INTJ personality type more than they can to another feeler personality type.

Seven percent of the population identifies as a Ni-dominant personality type. Out of all Ni-dominant types, only one-third are women. Out of all Ni-dominant women, about 33% are INTJs and 67% are INFJs. Even though our decision-making process is more common in women, our dominant function is more common in men. This can explain why an INFJ may internally feel like they possess an equal amount of masculine and feminine energy, and this energy may show up in ways that defy certain gender stereotypes.

INFJs–tell me what you think! What has your experience as a female INFJ or a male INFJ been like?

About Megan

Megan is an introvert and INFJ personality type who enjoys reading, researching, and writing about personality psychology and human behavior. As the founder of this blog, Megan wants to help other INFJs better understand their personality to improve their personal and professional lives.

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12 thoughts on “Masculinity and Femininity In INFJ Women

    • Megan Post author

      There isn’t much out there about it! The reason I didn’t expand more on this idea was because of the lack of research on it that I could find. I may dive in a little deeper for a future blog post since it seems like a lot of people can relate!

  • La_Mouche

    Wow, very good article ! Very interesting too. There’s many things where I can relate.
    And I never thought gender and being INFJ could be related together …
    As a 28 years old woman, I’ve always had gender struggles, for as long as I can remember …
    Well, those are not struggles in my eyes, I feel good in my own body, but it has ALWAYS been to the eyes of every other people.
    I mean, I feel like a normal woman, but social pressure is strong, and (random) people keep asking me if I’m a boy or a girl, if I want to be a boy, if I’m a lesbian, if I’m transgender, if I still like boys, why do I wear shorts and snapbacks and not skirts and make-up, and so on …
    Am I less of a woman because I wear hoodies ? Why do people assume that I’m “not a real woman” or don’t feel good in my own body or want to date women ?!? I was never ashamed of my birthsex, which is the same as my gender, and never actually wanted to be a man.

    I’m just trying to take (in my opinion) the good things I like in both main genders, to try to balance my overload of feminity and sensibility with a little bit of masculinity …

    I know people won’t change, and will always create self-doubt in me because of my appearance … But i’m not ready to “change” and conform at a 100% to feminity stereotypes … (and very sorry for my bad english … !)

  • La_Mouche

    (Whoops, the end is missing …)
    So, I was wondering and interested too to know if other INFJ’s have some kind of those “strange” struggles with feminity and masculinity ? In which ways and why ?
    Havec a nice day out there !

    • Megan Post author

      I can definitely relate! I never had any questions about my gender identity. I’m comfortable and happy to be a woman. But it is hard when society is constantly feeding you examples of how and who a real woman should be.

  • Krista

    Wow, wow, wow! I am SO glad I found this post! I have just joined a typing forum in an attempt to understand myself better. I was registering as both INTJ and INFJ on tests and was confused about which one I actually indentified with more. With a lot of people’s help, I landed on INFJ. Which always felt more correct anyway.

    But just in googling more about INFJs, I found this post and was immediately intrigued by it because with a lot of the media attention seemingly on gender fluidity and trans awareness, I found myself seriously questioning and confused about how I identified. I am EXACTLY what you described. Someone who actually never felt anymore feminine than masculine or vice versa. Just me. And I always had a hard time relating to other women and it often left me feeling alienated and ashamed. Sadly, other women in work scenarios have used this isolation against me and it’s become something I have obsessed about. What’s wrong with me? Why are all these women obsessed with Ryan Gosling and the Bachelorette? Kidding. But I just didn’t relate and it’s a very lonely feeling.

    Now, I am proud of being an INFJ and really want to work on developing my strengths and no longer trying to suppress my inferior function. I feel like working on me and accepting me is a necessary first step in finding my place in relation to other women and society as a whole. Excellent blog post!

    • Megan Post author

      Thanks, I’m glad that the article was helpful for you! Now that I know so many other women can relate I want to dive deeper into this topic.

  • Jen

    I’m a female INFJ with a very similar experience, though possibly to a greater extent. I feel most comfortable presenting myself in an androgynous way; she/her pronouns are fine, but I wear my hair short and dress boyishly because that’s the presentation that I feel represents me and my masculine-leaning personality the best. At first, the exaggerated, feminine stereotypes behind the type made me wonder if I was an INFJ at all. People tend to understand INFJs as gentle, submissive, unendingly altruistic and peaceful. In my experience, however, INFJs lean more towards independence, thought, decision, and diplomacy. These words are more traditionally masculine, and I relate to them much more.

    I thought a long time ago about why my understanding of my gender leans this way and I figured that it had to do with independence, a trait typically found in INFJs. I was independent of other people’s understanding of me, and I didn’t need things like gender roles to tell me who I am. I was always critical of heteronormative media where men and women are shown to be comfortable in their respective roles, and I knew that I didn’t have to be like anyone else. I could be myself. If this gender conflict is common in INFJs (and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was), I’d be quick to cite our independence. The idea that our main function is more common in men, like you described, might explain why I started steering away from feminine stereotypes in the first place. Definitely something to think about!

  • Carol

    This post described me to a tee!!! Have never really fit into female groups of any kind, and that’s been obvious to me and to them…and I don’t get this current obsession of belonging to a tribe, either. Have gravitated to males as I felt more comfortable but this has resulted in being on the receiving end of more than my fair share of judgment, criticism, envy, jealousy etc etc. Also feel at odds with the women who connect with goddesses and the feminine wild woman thingie yet i’ve never felt unfeminine. Have participated in a retreat online for the past year or so where all the women there were heavy into goddesses and that has been so out of my realm altogether.
    Feel so validated by your post, thank you:)

  • Alex

    Good article! I can say as a male INFJ that I can relate to not feeling as masculine as other guys. I’m a lot more sensitive (blame it on my overdeveloped Fe). Never really got the hang of that macho or “bro” culture that some tapped into from an early age. On the plus side, I’ve never had any trouble talking with women. I’m the quiet guy that everyone can talk to in a judgment-free way.

  • Lynne Fisher

    Hi there,

    I’m an INFJ woman married to an INTJ man. We’re pretty much your classic soul mates, but we had to work through the F versus T aspects early on in our marriage. He hated my emotional upsets, I hated his apparent distaste for such outbursts of feeling and relentless rationalism. But we always talked and talked! We’ve also always felt out of the ‘mainstream’, so kind of needed each other for mutual support and validation. When we did the Jung typology test, a great deal began to make sense and I’m very happy about that!
    Sexually, I was me first, girl second. i never related to the princess types or imagined my wedding day – all that makes me cringe. I think I was a late developer, but by the time I met my future husband the heavens were aligning for us and I certainly felt all woman then. I kept my own surname and my hubbie was fine with that. I think this says most about our relationship, we allow each other freedom and are all the closer for it. Been together now for over 30 years, with no affairs (that i’m aware of!) and still it feels special. And as more years go by, I realise just how lucky we’ve been.

    • Megan Post author

      Wow, Lynne that is so great! Congrats on a happy and successful long-term relationship, I know those aren’t always easy! I’ve been dating an ENTJ for over 2 years and our relationship is similar in many ways. I think NTJs can make such great partners for INFJs, as long as there’s patience and understanding around the thinker and feeler differences. Thanks for sharing your story! 🙂