Why We Should Quit Saying Introverts Hate People 9

Quit Saying Introverts Hate People

“Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas.” — Susan Cain

I am an introvert and I have a confession: I like people.

Well, most of the time.

I’ve noticed in many introvert communities online that there is a certain stigma attached to being introverted that is perpetuated by extroverts and introverts alike — that all introverts dislike people and try to avoid company at all cost. I want to clear this up because I believe that learning about personality type is essential to better understanding ourselves and others. It’s unfair to classify all introverts as anti-social people who will always prefer to read by the window rather than go out to coffee with friends. Just like it is unfair to stereotype all extroverts as crazy partiers who if left alone for too long become needier than a 4-week-old puppy.

Disliking small talk or being around certain types of people is not a trait of introversion. Most people don’t enjoy small talk or forced conversation with people who they’re not comfortable around. Yes, some extroverts are better at these things, but that has more to do with the fact that they socialize more in general than introverts do. The more you do anything, the better you become at it. Being a good conversationalist is not an inherent quality of extroversion, it’s more like a consequence.

The truth about introverts is that we do get drained by being around other people for extended periods of time. We recharge by spending time alone. For many of us, there really is no such thing as too much alone time. What a lot of videos, articles, memes, etc. get wrong about introversion is painting us as the type of individuals who can’t be at a party for 15 minutes before needing to escape and go hide under the covers with our cats.

I enjoy parties, as long as there are plenty of like-minded people who I can engage in interesting discussions with. Afterward, I’ll probably want to go hibernate for a while, but that doesn’t mean I hated every minute I spent around other humans. I can’t speak for every introvert, but personally, if I don’t want to be at a party, I won’t go, and if I’m in a situation where that’s not a simple choice, I try to make the best of my time there.

Many introverts also identify as shy or socially anxious. These are qualities that might make events like parties and other social gatherings harder to go to and get through. But again, these are not unique qualities of introversion.

If we want to truly educate people on what it means to be an introvert, we have to stop spreading the “people hating” posts. The point is to educate people on introversion, but it’s a lot harder to make people understand you if you’re constantly reminding them of how much you dread their presence.

About Megan

Megan is an introvert and INFJ personality type who enjoys reading, researching, and writing about personality psychology and human behavior. As the founder of this blog, Megan wants to help other INFJs better understand their personality to improve their personal and professional lives.

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9 thoughts on “Why We Should Quit Saying Introverts Hate People

  • agraves78

    Yes. Yes. And yes! As an INFJ, I couldn’t agree more! Thank you for explaining this. I also see a trend of fellow introverts who almost use it as an excuse for being rude. I need my space at times, but I try my darndest NOT to be rude. Idk if this would be a unique thing with my particular introverted type, but I would much rather be honest than rude. Anyway, I kinda went on a tangent there! Lol I really just wanted to say thank you for posting this! ❤

    • Megan

      I’ve also seen people use it as an excuse to be rude, and I think that people who don’t understand introversion probably see that as an insult. Since INFJs are so sensitive to others feelings, it could be that we pick up on this kind of stuff more than others, though. I’m glad you liked the post!

  • randomblog2014

    I’d actually argue that introverts can be better conversationalists — some extroverts talk without saying anything, so can bore me, while introverts tend to say something only when they have something to say.

  • Alex Willging

    100% in agreement. I’m terrified at making small talk, but I love getting deep into long chats with someone about subjects we both care about. I don’t “mingle” at parties; I find one or two people with whom I can relate and we’re good for the whole evening. We introverts need to spread the word that we do like being social.

  • lljostes

    Yes! Your post resonates with me! I’ve told folks I’m an “introvert” and they laugh and say–“you’re too outgoing to be an introvert!” I just smile–and go home to recharge! Thanks for the clarity!

  • Emma

    There are many misconceptions for both sides, I think. I have extroverted friends (mainly ENFPs) who are even less social than I am at times and crave escapes from their loud and social surroundings.

    People just need to remember that we are not just I or E, we are human and we are fully capable of exhibiting traits from both ends of the spectrum. Don’t get me wrong, I love M-B and how much it has helped me to understand things about myself and others (and my J sensibilities are definitely pulled by the allure of putting things into neat little boxes), but we can only use it as a rough sketch, nothing more.

    Excellent article. I’m very glad that I came across this blog. Keep up the good work!

    • Megan

      Thanks Emma! I agree that there is much more to a person than being introvert or extrovert, or even their MBTI type. But these things are great tools for beginning to understand ourselves and others better. Glad you liked the article!