What Are INFJs Like As Parents?

INFJs are loving an devoted parents. They see their children as equals and want to nurture, educate and inspire them to become the best versions of themselves. The INFJ parent can have high expectations for their children but are also extremely compassionate, understanding and forgiving.

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The character Atticus Finch in To Kill A Mockingbird is often considered to have traits similar to the INFJ personality type. He’s well-known for teaching his children, Jem and Scout, important life lessons like the value of integrity, empathy and quiet dignity. As a parent, he makes sure that his actions match his words.

While some may think Atticus holds high expectations for his children, he shows them that the virtues he preaches are possible by setting a strong example. And when his children fail to meet his expectations, he responds with empathy. This parenting style is very much in line with that of many INFJ parents.

INFJ Parenting Strengths

INFJs strive to raise children who are emotionally intelligent, compassionate and honest. INFJ parents are supportive and accepting of their children’s unique gifts and encourage them to reach their dreams and live up to their full potential.

INFJ parents want to truly understand their child’s perspective and attempt to put themselves in their child’s shoes, even — and perhaps especially — when the child fails to meet their expectations. INFJs are curious to get to know their child’s unique personality. They want to help them understand and navigate through the world.

INFJs tend to be forgiving and understanding when their children break the rules or make a mistake. They can pick up on the emotional energy of their child and encourage them to talk openly about what the child is feeling and experiencing. The child finds it easy to open up and be their self around their INFJ parent.

INFJ Parenting Challenges

The emotional bond many INFJs experience with their children and the high expectations they have for themselves and for their children can cause several challenges for the INFJ parent.

INFJs who have extroverted or needy children may feel the need to constantly be at the same energy level and pace as their child. This can quickly lead to burn out, anxiety and depression for the INFJ.

Since INFJs are so attuned to their child’s needs, they risk becoming overly attentive to the child’s well being. This can severely drain the INFJ of their own emotional energy. Since INFJs wish to deeply understand the perspective of their child, it makes it hard for the INFJ parent to discipline or practice “tough love” when the situation calls for it.

INFJs may struggle with feeling like they don’t meet society’s mold of the “ideal” mom or dad. The INFJ may blame their self for not having the energy to be constantly on-the-go or externally “overachieving” like they see from some other parents.

The Parent/Child Relationship

Most INFJs report positive relationships with their children. The INFJ parent may not be the picture-perfect PTO mom or dad, but they strive to always be there emotionally for their children. Most children respond positively and a strong emotional bond is formed between parent and child.

However, in some cases, the INFJs emotional attachment can result in codependency from both sides. The child may fear to step out on their own into the world because of how much they’ve relied on the INFJ to provide support. This is where the INFJ parent is uncomfortably forced to take the “tough love” approach. This approach may be necessary for the child’s growth but extremely emotionally draining and challenging for the parent.

Unhealthy INFJs can also become dependent on their children for emotional support. They may need constant reassurance that they are a “good” parent. Because of the pressure that INFJ parents put on themselves, they can become overwhelmed and withdraw to avoid challenging conversations.

INFJ parents are at their best when they apply the same strengths they bring to other relationships to the parent/child relationship. Their future-oriented outlook can help their children realize their potential and dreams and their empathetic nature can help the child feel understood and accepted.