Love

INFJ and NT Relationships

“You won’t find faith or hope down a telescope
You won’t find heart and soul in the stars
You can break everything down to chemicals
But you can’t explain a love like ours.”
Science and Faith, The Script

INFJs can have wonderful and fulfilling relationships with any of the NT personality types. Since INFJs and NT personalities are intuitive types, they share a love of ideas and possibilities. Intuitive types represent only 35 percent of the population, so when they meet it is often exciting and refreshing to find another who thinks in the same way they do. Since NTs are predominantly thinking types, they can balance out the emotional and sensitive qualities of INFJs.

Of course, this T vs. F difference can also cause issues in relationships. Intuitive thinking types tend to enjoy debate, while INFJs prefer to avoid conflict. INFJs typically feel better after being able to talk out their feelings, whereas NT types aren’t exactly big on the feeling talk. However, a good understanding of one another can lead to a successful relationship despite the differences.

INFJs with ENTJs
INFJs and ENTJs make great partners — whether it is in business, friendship, or romance. Their shared N and J means that these duos are extremely future and goal oriented, and therefore can be extremely productive. INFJs and ENTJs also compliment each other in their differences. ENTJs are often natural leaders, and they can help INFJs expand their ideas from a concept to a reality by encouraging them to take risks.

Because Introverted Feeling is the Inferior cognitive function of the ENTJ, this type prefers to deal with conflict by taking a straightforward and logical approach and might have trouble understanding how this approach can hurt INFJs and other feeling types.

INFJs and ENTJs need to understand each others’ very different approach to dealing with conflict in order to successfully navigate through any issues in the relationship.

INFJs with INTJs
INFJs and INTJs share three of the same letters and a dominant function, Introverted Intuition. Because of this, these types tend to get along really well and often feel the relief of being able to truly be themselves around each other.

Since they’re so similar in many ways, INFJs and INTJs often admire one another for the traits which they lack. According to Just Your Type*, “INTJs are drawn to INFJs because of their compassion, warmth, and concern for others. They also admire the communication skills that come so naturally to most INFJs. INFJs are attracted to INTJs because of their calm objectivity and natural strategic and critical thinking abilities. INFJs also admire their partners’ independence and willingness to stick by their principles in the face of opposition or pressure.”

Like with ENTJs, INFJs can experience conflict involving the F vs. T difference. However, some of the biggest struggles in an INFJ and INTJ relationship actually arise from the things they have in common. Both types can be stubborn perfectionists, and disagreements about the “right” way to handle situations can last a long time, with both types unwilling to back down. This is why it’s extremely important for INFJs and INTJs to be willing to listen and understand the others’ perspective in order to come to a mutually satisfying compromise.

INFJs with ENTPs
From the outside, INFJs and ENTPs seem drastically different, but they actually have a lot more in common than is easily observed. They are both dominant intuitive types and have Extroverted Feeling and Introverted Thinking in their top 4 function stack. Because of this they are able to easily understand each other and have plenty of imaginative and thought-provoking conversations.

Due to their Extroverted Feeling, NTPs typically appear softer and more empathetic than NTJ types. However, they are still very logical and rational in their thinking and decision-making. This paradoxical set of characteristics is usually what initially attracts INFJs to ENTPs.

The biggest difference between INFJs and ENTPs is the J vs. P. ENTPs aren’t usually phased by disorder or lack of plans, both of which can cause stress for INFJs. However, these types can use their differences to learn and grow from one another. ENTP is often referred to as the “perfect type” for INFJs. (You can read more about that here.)

INFJs with INTPs
The ENTPs introverted counterpart, INTP, can also be a great match for INFJs. Like ENTPs, INTPs also use Extroverted Feeling and Introverted Thinking in their top 4 function stack, which makes them similar to INFJs in some ways.

Since both types are introverted and intuitive, they often enjoy many of the same things, such as lengthy and in-depth one-on-one discussions, and are both fascinated with learning new things and taking in new theories and ideas. Both types have unique approaches to life, a trait that initially draws them to one another. According to Just Your Type, “INTPs are drawn to INFJs because of their warmth, integrity, and emotional availability. INFJs are often attracted to the intelligence, dry sense of humor, and quiet confidence of INTPs. They admire their partners’ independence and find their honesty refreshing.”

The biggest source of frustration between INFJs and INTPs is their differing needs when it comes to emotional connection. Extroverted Feeling is the Inferior function of INTPs, meaning many of this type (especially younger INTPs) who haven’t fully developed this lower function will become cold and closed-off when the INFJ expresses something that makes the INTP emotionally uncomfortable. Awareness and understanding of the needs of each type when it comes to intimacy and emotional support is important in an INFJ-INTP relationship.

Are you in a relationship with an NT? What are some of the benefits and struggles of your relationship? Do you have any other advice for these couples?

*For more information about type compatibility check out Just Your Type by Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger.

Megan is an introvert and INFJ personality type who enjoys reading, researching, and writing about personality psychology and human behavior. As the founder of this blog, Megan wants to help other INFJs better understand their personality to improve their personal and professional lives.

8 Comments

  1. Wow, this is very bang on- the INFJ to INTJ especially hits home. Thank you for the well thought out read.

  2. I’m in a wonderful relationship with an INTJ, and this is definitely an accurate description of us! We understand and connect with each other so deeply, yet at the same time often think about and analyze situations so differently. His strategic, analytical views and my compassion and empathy balance each other out when it comes to making hard decisions that may affect other people.
    Thanks for the post!

  3. The Mama With Bipolar Disorder

    I’m an INFJ married to an ENFJ. totally accurate!

  4. I am an INFJ (or at least I think I am), and my husband is a INTP, we get on great except that over the past years, we had to work on the ’emotional’ connection bit. I am more ‘clingy’, want more lovey dovey, and my husband seems to fine without any of it. Thankfully, the both of us want our marriage to work, and we’ve been working to meet in the middle on the ’emotional’ connection. He’s giving me more lovey dovey moments, and I don’t press it when he’s busy with his work or other projects.

  5. Well put, sir, well put. I’ll cenlairty make note of that.

  6. I’m an INFJ in a relationship with an INTJ, and this is spot-on. We had an instantaneous connection when we met, and ended up dating after developing a deep friendship. We’ve been together for almost two years now, and it’s been amazing.

    What you said about the different ways of analyzing a situation is very, very true. Sometimes it is fascinating to see the difference, but other times, it can be frustrating–especially when I’m struggling to explain details to him and can’t seem to put them into words. Thankfully, we both have a very good understanding of one another’s way of processing, though.

  7. ENTP and INFJ relationships are very had, especially when a woman is already weakened by mother nature’s monthly cycles…

  8. What about INFJ-INFJ relationships?

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