When it comes to romantic and platonic connections, it’s hard to define what attracts us to a person. As an INFJ, it can be especially hard to find someone who we feel a natural connection with. However, when that does happen it often seems to be with one of two types — ENTPs and ENFPs.
According to The Personality Page, these two types are the INFJ’s natural partner because of their dominant function, Extroverted Intuition, is the best match for our dominant function, Introverted Intuition. We’re basically two sides of the same coin.
As Intuition-dominant types, we each have most likely felt misunderstood by others, so it is refreshing to find someone who not only is interested in the same sort of ideas and conversations as we are but who understands them as well.
In The Science of Love, Chris Race expands on this topic when discussing relationships between INFJs and ENTPs:
“The ENTP and INFJ were meant to be together because the ENTP shares his intuition all the time. Most people do not like to hear intuitions and theory they don’t understand in conversations. The INFJ has the same skill at idea generation that the ENTP has. When the ENTP talks, the INFJ can listen and understand his very advanced intuitions. INFJ’s and ENTP’s both like systems. The INFJ finds people systems more interesting; the ENTP systems of things. When they communicate something special happens. The ENTP talks and the INFJ comprehends and listens automatically. That means the ENTP feels listened to and completely understood.”
Feeling understood isn’t the only attractive quality about an ENxP partner or friend. We may also feel understood by other NF types, like INFPs; other Ni-dom types, like INTJs; and of course, other INFJs. But there is something else about ENxPs that causes INFJs to be extremely attracted to these types:
ENxPs extrovert what INFJs introvert.
What that means is that what ENxP types show the outside world is what INFJs keep hidden. Even if we barely know the person, we’re attracted to their ability to put on display something that we can relate to, but often find a hard time putting into words.
To get a better understanding of this, let’s look at the functions:
INFJ: Ni Fe Ti Se
ENTP: Ne Ti Fe Si
ENFP: Ne Fi Te Si
You’ll notice that ENTPs have a common Ti and Fe and opposing Ne and Si. ENFPs functions are in the same order as INFJs but are all opposing on the extroverted/introverted spectrum. INFJs are drawn to both of these types for that reason. ENTPs are often considered better long-term partners for INFJs because the shared Fe and Ti functions help each type to better understand one another on two very important levels — thinking and feeling. However, ENFPs are extremely attractive to INFJs because they are on one hand so different, but yet the same. We may feel like they “complete us.”
As discussed, there are several pros to being in a relationship with an ENxP. However, like any relationship, there are going to occasionally be difficulties. Some cons to look out for when dating an ENxP:
-ENxPs are extroverts. Some INFJs are more introverted than others and may feel more comfortable with a partner who is also an introvert. ENxPs tend to be highly motivated, go-getter types and are often on the move, happiest when they are interacting with others and getting things accomplished. While this is an attractive quality, it can also be draining for an introvert.
-ENxPs are Perceivers. While their spontaneity can be initially attractive to an INFJ, over time the J/P difference can cause conflict in the relationship. The INFJ will become overwhelmed always being the one who has to take charge when it comes to making plans, and the ENxP may view the INFJ as bossy. However, J and P relationships can work great when both types are willing to understand and work with each other despite their differences. Read: How Js and Ps can Live in Harmony.
-ENFPs can have a hard time understanding INFJs feelings, and vice versa. ENFPs use Introverted Feeling, and any relationship between an Introverted Feeler and an Extroverted Feeler is going to come with issues. INFJs prefer to process their feelings verbally, while ENFPs prefer to process internally. INFJs may think the ENFP is being selfish after making a Fi-based decision because it might not take into consideration the feelings of others (Fe).
-The feeling thing can be an issue in ENTP and INFJ relationships as well. Even though ENTPs also have Fe in their top four function stack, they are still Rationals who operate mainly through logical thinking, not emotions. As stated on 16 Personalities:
“While ENTPs are more open-minded than other Analysts (NT) about others’ perspectives, they are also more likely to express their disdain for such things as emotional sensitivity in cuttingly well-phrased and clear terms, easily hurting their partners’ feelings without realizing it. ENTP personalities may even ignore their partners’ feelings altogether, instead immersing themselves entirely in some distant idea or opportunity.”
While these are all things to look out for in INFJ/ENxP relationships, they aren’t anything that can’t be worked through as long as each partner is willing to put in the effort of understanding the other and making compromises for the sake of the relationship. The emotional maturity of each partner is extremely important to the relationship’s success. An INFJ pursuing an emotionally immature ENxP will find themselves exhausted and hurt by the ENxPs carefree attitude towards relationships.
Keep in mind — INFJs can be in successful relationships with any personality type. I chose to write about the pros and cons with ENxPs because they are most commonly mentioned as our “ideal” type and I’ve received several messages from INFJs asking about relationships with ENTPs and ENFPs. If you’re still looking for the right person, I would advise that you not only seek out certain types but be open to anyone. You don’t want to miss out on finding your soulmate just because their function stack isn’t perfectly complementary with yours. Although, I personally think that both partners being aware of MBTI and how the functions work is important in creating a better understanding of each other and ultimately improving the relationship.