1. Accept that you will never really understand your INFJ. If it were possible for anyone to 100% understand any INFJ, an INFJ would have wrote a book on it by now. But the truth is, even we INFJs can’t completely understand ourselves, so we don’t expect you to. But we can tell when you’re trying, and that means a lot.
2. Listen to what your INFJ is not saying. You know the quote that goes something like “the quietest people have the loudest minds”? That is very true of INFJs. The quieter we are, the more we probably have on our minds. We want friends and partners who understand that and will want to talk to us about it, and more importantly, listen.
3. Know that INFJs really aren’t that serious. Yes, we have a lot on our minds. Yes, we can be sensitive. Yes, we like to partake in serious discussions and debates at times. But we are happiest when we can just be playful, carefree and weird with someone who accepts that side of us.
4. If you’re not happy, your INFJ is not happy. If someone we love is upset, we take on their feelings as our own. We are extremely empathetic. Sometimes even the sadness in the eyes of the person checking us out at the grocery store is enough to dampen our mood for the rest of the day. This is a quality that makes INFJs different from a lot of other types. We value people who understand this and don’t take every mood shift personally. It’s just hard when you feel what everyone else is feeling all the time.
5. INFJs can be very stubborn. INFJs hate conflict and avoid it as much as possible, but if you hit the right nerve we will jump in and defend our opinions and values to the death. Later we will probably secretly try to understand your perspective (because we’re always trying to understand everything about everyone) and that might even cause us to agree with you a little, but we won’t tell you that. 😉
6. INFJs can forgive, but we never forget. If you hurt us and then apologize, we’ll probably forgive you and give you a second chance. But we will never forget the hurt we felt and we will be cautious around you for awhile afterwards.
7. INFJs are experts at hiding their feelings. We tend to bottle a lot up inside, so on the outside everything appears completely fine. Even the most intuitive types (except maybe other INFJs) can’t typically tell when an INFJ is upset. We both like this and hate this about ourselves.
8. INFJs feel a lot of responsibility, always. We need to make sure everyone is happy, but we also need to be there to listen to everyone’s problems. We need to make sure everything on a project goes right, but we also need to make sure everyone working on the project gets a say in what is happening. We need to make sure we get there on time, but don’t want to make anyone upset by rushing them. We are internal perfectionist and put a lot of pressure on ourselves. But we don’t come across as a typical type A personality because those type of people stress people out and we don’t want to stress anyone out. So we just keep our perfectionism to ourselves and it drives us crazy a little.