how to understand the infj
INFJ Personality

How to Understand The INFJ Personality Type: Part 1

The INFJ personality type makes up only 1-3 percent of the population and is considered to be the rarest of the 16 MBTI personality types. Are you an INFJ or someone who has an INFJ in your life? Here are 8 tips to help you better understand the INFJ personality type.

1. Accept that you will never really understand the INFJ.

If it were possible for anyone to 100% understand an INFJ an INFJ would have written a book on it by now. Unfortunately, the closest thing we have is this blog. The truth is, even INFJs can’t completely understand ourselves, so we don’t expect you to understand us. But we can tell when you’re trying, and that means a lot.

2. Listen to what your INFJ is not saying.

You know the quote that says “the quietest people have the loudest minds”? That couldn’t be more true for the INFJ. The quieter we are, the more we probably have on our mind. We want friends and partners who understand that, will want to talk to us about it, and most importantly, listen.

3. Know that INFJs really aren’t that serious.

Yes, we have a lot on our minds. Yes, we can be sensitive. Yes, we sometimes partake in serious discussions and debates. But we’re happiest when we can just be playful, carefree, and weird with someone who accepts that side of us.

4. If you’re not happy, your INFJ is not happy.

If someone we love is upset, we take on their feelings as our own. We’re extremely empathetic. Sometimes even the sadness in the eyes of the checkout clerk at the grocery store is enough to dampen our mood for the rest of the day. This is a quality that makes INFJs different from a lot of other types. We value people who understand this and don’t take every mood shift personally. It’s just hard when you feel what everyone else is feeling all the time.

5. INFJs can be stubborn.

INFJs hate conflict and try to avoid it as much as possible, but if you hit the right nerve we will jump in and defend our opinions and values to the death. Later we will probably quietly try to understand your perspective (because we’re always trying to understand everything about everyone) and that might even cause us to agree with you a little, but we won’t tell you that. 😉

6. INFJs can forgive, but we never forget.

If you hurt us and then apologize, we may forgive you and give you a second chance. But we’ll never forget the pain we felt and we will be cautious around you for awhile afterward.

7. INFJs are experts at hiding their feelings.

We tend to bottle a lot up inside, so on the outside, everything appears completely fine. Even the most intuitive types (except perhaps other INFJs) can’t typically tell when an INFJ is upset. We like this and hate this about ourselves.

8. INFJs feel a lot of responsibility, always.

We want to make sure everyone is happy, but we also want to listen to your problems. We need to make sure everything on a project goes right, but we also need to make sure everyone working on the project gets a say in what is happening. We need to make sure we get there on time, but don’t want to make anyone upset by rushing them. We are internal perfectionists and put a lot of pressure on ourselves. But we don’t come across as a typical type A personality because those type of people stress people out and we don’t want to stress anyone out. So we just keep our perfectionism to ourselves and it drives us a little crazy.

Keep reading: How To Understand the INFJ Personality Type: Part 2.

Megan is an introvert and INFJ personality type who enjoys reading, researching, and writing about personality psychology and human behavior. As the founder of this blog, Megan wants to help other INFJs better understand their personality to improve their personal and professional lives.


  1. The INFJ Soulmate | INFJ Blog

    […] of course it’s possible for an INFJ to be happy with any type as long as they feel understood, cared for and […]

  2. Can’t wait for part two 🙂

  3. infjreflections

    Reblogged this on INFJ Reflections and commented:
    This couldn’t be more true!

  4. So true! From a fellow INFJ.

  5. How to Understand Your INFJ: Part 2 | INFJ Blog

    […] Want more info about INFJs? See How to Understand Your INFJ: Part 1.  […]

  6. This is amazing! I never understood myself, but this sets a good theory for everything I am. And suddenly, it all makes sense! 😀

    1. I’m so glad that you found it helpful! 🙂

  7. How to Understand Your INFJ: Part 1 | INFJ Blog | Irene's

    […] How to Understand Your INFJ: Part 1 | INFJ Blog. […]

  8. Agree with everything, BUT I am a Type A INFJ.
    Perhaps male socialization?

  9. Megan E K Henshaw

    This list is so spot on! #7 just makes me want to scream it’s so true. I love that I can hide my emotions and guard myself, but sometimes I wish someone could just ask “Are you okay?” like I do for everyone else, but no one ever notices except for my one INFJ friend and he lives a little far away. Thanks for the post!

  10. Why. Is. This. So. Painfully. Accurate.

    I NEVER understand myself as i grew up. Who am I.
    What do i really wanna do,
    Why I feel like i am always the different one.
    How would I face the world as I expect it to be.

    Jesus Christ this is so frustating.

  11. Thank you.
    This felt like coming home; like I’ve been seen for the first time
    in a very
    long time.
    Thank you.

    It’s like I can’t… *pauses for a millennium* It’s so right and feels so good but it’s so frustrating. I really want to send this to everyone I know but I feel like that would be invading their privacy and they might take the gesture the wrong way.

    Just a couple of months ago I took the test for maybe the fifth time and ended up with INFJ. Before I had been typed as INTJ and then INFP, but after a friend of mine (female INTJ if I might add) suggested I was more J, I took it again and INFJ really did make sense. I have been researching about INFJs ever since and I am more and more being confirmed as an INFJ. What you have written has such an impact on me and I thank you for sharing your insight into the INFJ world. It’s been painfully beautiful.

  13. 3, 4, 7, and 8 could not be any more true for me haha. I’m so glad I found this blog! 🙂

  14. This make a lot of sense ! 😂

  15. #8 totally true! We must be crazy with that amount of pressure. 🙂

  16. Wow. I have never felt so understood in my life. W O W, spot on!!

  17. This is … *don’t have words* ♥.♥ Every time I read about INFJs, find myself nodding and agreeing like crazy, it’s like rediscovering myself.. scratch that it’s like UNDERSTANDING MYSELF. (That puzzle analogy is so accurate -every # on the list) Reading these kinds of articles have to be one of the most satisfying things for me. Brings me some kind of peace.

  18. I just realized the puzzle reference was in part 2, yes, because I read this backward (lolol)

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