dating an infj

15 Things You Should Know About Dating an INFJ

If you found your way to this article, then you’re probably an INFJ personality type or someone who’s interested in dating an INFJ. INFJs can be warm, empathetic, and passionate partners. They can also be stubborn, passive, and perplexing. However, a healthy relationship with an INFJ personality type can be incredibly rewarding. INFJs have a special gift of making others feel truly heard and understood. Many people are attracted to the INFJ’s unique perspectives and compassion for humanity.

While dating an INFJ can be an amazing experience, it’s also challenging. INFJs are usually extremely guarded. This is because so many INFJs have experienced being taken for granted their entire lives. As an INFJ, I had a slew of toxic relationships growing up. I was so willing to listen and be there for others, it took years to realize that I needed the same type of support in return.

If you’re interested in dating an INFJ, here are 15 things you should know.

15 Things You Should Know About Dating an INFJ

  1. We don’t like to rush into things. INFJs tend to be slow to open up to new partners. As deep-thinking introverts, vulnerability isn’t always easy.
  2. We’re cautious about how we use our time. Most INFJs prefer not to go on several Tinder dates for fun. We’d rather cultivate a friendship before diving into a new relationship.
  3. Deep conversation is everything. The quicker you skip the small talk pleasantries, the quicker you can get your INFJ to open up. Get us talking about our visions, our ideas, or the latest book we’re reading. That’s when you’ll see our personality shine.
  4. We’re incredibly supportive. Once we fall for you, your dreams and goals become as high of a priority as our own. We’ll do whatever it takes to help you reach them.
  5. We are weird. Your INFJ may act pleasant enough on the first few dates. We’ve got a pretty firm grasp on that auxiliary Extraverted Feeling function. But once we feel comfortable around you, it’s hard to contain our weirdness. INFJs have a unique sense of humor and our dominant function, Introverted Intuition, tends to take our minds to delightfully bizarre places.
  6. We’re tougher than we look. INFJs can appear sweet and even naive. However, we understand far more than we let on to most people. Many INFJs develop a thick skin after being taken for granted too many times. If we sense that is starting to happen again, we will swiftly close the door and move on.
  7. We struggle to communicate problems. INFJs care a lot about the feelings of others. In many cases, this is a good thing. But sometimes, it makes us passive in situations that require directness. If your INFJ is especially quiet or distant, it may mean there’s something they need to tell you.
  8. We’re looking for a deep connection. INFJs aren’t interested in casually dating unless there’s a clear future benefit. We need to be with someone we feel a strong connection with. Otherwise, we feel like we’re wasting our time. If we don’t see a future, we’ll quickly move on.
  9. We’re fascinated by the way you think. INFJs love to understand people. We’re enticed by individuals who think differently and present unique and creative ideas and solutions.
  10. We can be super scatterbrained. INFJs spend most of their time with their heads in the clouds. Our auxiliary Extraverted Feeling function and inferior Extraverted Sensing function make us appear reasonably put together on the outside. We like to dress well and keep our spaces organized. However, we also forget meals because we’re absorbed in a project, forget to check the mail for days (erm, weeks), and will never remember to schedule something unless we’ve written it down in advance.
  11. We love to listen. Even if we’re not personally interested in what you’re interested in, we love it when you share your passion with us. We get excited about it because you’re excited. However, if we don’t receive the same support and encouragement in return, we can become bitter and resentful.
  12. We have high expectations in relationships. Because we’re future-oriented thinkers, we’re always analyzing potential. We’re not expecting a partner who is perfect, but we do expect our partner to be growth-oriented and strive to reach their full potential. This is something we focus on ourselves, so it’s important for us to be with someone who has similar values.
  13. We value timeliness. While INFJs appear laid back and flexible, we are strong Js when it comes to timeliness. This is because we value our own time and the time of others very strongly. If you’re late for one too many dates, we will take it personally.
  14. We’re always searching. INFJs are on a continuous quest for deeper meaning, fulfillment, and purpose. We truly want to make the world a better place and grow toward self-actualization. This is part of the reason we have such high expectations. We need someone who understands and supports this quality.
  15. Do NOT lie to us. We see when people are deceptive or manipulative. If we suspect you’re lying, we will quickly call you out or quietly back away. Trust is extremely important for INFJs.

If you want to learn more about dating an INFJ, check out my eBook, INFJs In Love. INFJs — do you have more tips about dating an INFJ? Share your advice and experiences in the comments!


Megan is an introvert and INFJ personality type who enjoys reading, researching, and writing about personality psychology and human behavior. As the founder of this blog, Megan wants to help other INFJs better understand their personality to improve their personal and professional lives.

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