Contributor post by Blessing Udechukwu
Most INFJs want the best for ourselves and we want to live our best lives. We think about it and dream about it. As introverts, our imaginations can be so vivid and real to us that we can conjure up emotions and feelings that an extrovert could only reach in physical reality. But for INFJ personality types, as comfortable as it may be to exist primarily in our inner world, sometimes it just isn’t enough. INFJs are also doers, and we can actually be very practical in making our dreams or ideas come to life. Making dreams come true sounds romantic and mystical, however, this idealism and ambition put a lot of pressure on the INFJ.
We want our ideas to manifest in reality because we feel it’s for the greater good, but also because this is where our sense of purpose comes from. Our strong opinions and beliefs make us resilient in striving for what we want. However, the downside to all of this is that we are chasing something close to perfection. Wanting something close to perfect can make anything that has flaws seem like settling for second best, and INFJs are not known to settle. Unfortunately, our realities can’t always directly imitate our dreams, and this is a hard pill to swallow for the INFJ personality type.
Perfectionism In INFJ Relationships
Chasing perfection is one issue INFJs deal with when it comes to romantic relationships. Logically, we know that no relationship is perfect because human beings aren’t perfect. Although we know this, we still search for perfection in our relationships. I blame our intuitive function for making us so picky and skeptical. We can grasp the underlying reasons for the behaviours and emotions of others, but when this is mixed with romantic emotions, we find ourselves poking holes in our relationships by questioning the actions of our partners, coming up with the answers for them, and concluding that they’re not the one because they don’t match our idea of the perfect partner.
This can make finding love difficult because love doesn’t always look like what we imagine it to look like. INFJs can look at situations from many perspectives, but this can give us a truckload of ‘what if’s’, and make us lose focus on the reality that is present. Choosing to focus on the good in a person and loving them despite their flaws is not settling. In fact, in doing this we can learn to be content with ourselves and love ourselves because we also have flaws. It’s up to the INFJ to not make our other half feel like they’ll never be good enough for us. When you do find a relationship that works, don’t poke holes in it and don’t overthink his or her actions without communicating your thoughts. Instead, appreciate the love that you have found. The words of Napoleon always come into my mind when I think about this: “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve.”
INFJs are not idle dreamers. We think it and wish to bring it to reality, whatever “it” is. This idea isn’t always ideal in our romantic relationships though, because we can end up believing that we should fix something or someone into what our version of love looks like. However, that is not love, because one of the attributes of love is freedom.
We can also become very selective with whom we let in because we want someone that fits our exact description of Mr. or Mrs. Right. The intuitive function helps INFJs to know when a relationship is right or wrong, so when you feel that it’s right don’t hold back because it’s a little short from perfect.
My Experience Finding The “Perfect” Partner
When I was younger I let a good guy go because he didn’t fit my version of Mr. Right (I thought he was too young), and now I will never know what I would have experienced and learned from that relationship. Whatever love looks like for you at the moment, appreciate the experience and either bask in it and live on or learn from it and move on, but what is truly important here is the experience. Real life experience is as necessary as our dreams, ideas, and imaginations of what our relationships should be.
In our search for the INFJ soulmate, we can inspire others to believe that true love is attainable and settling shouldn’t be an option, but we can also learn from taking risks and allowing ourselves to experience the many faces of love.
Speaking from more recent experience, I never knew that I was incompatible with who I thought my type was until I actually dated someone who was everything I imagined Mr. Right to be and found that I needed someone that was much different from myself.
So explore and engage with all of the beautifully imperfect people in this world because your idea of the perfect INFJ partner may not actually be the best person for you.
Love has many faces, and as vast as the INFJ imagination can be, we cannot possibly imagine them all.
This post was written by a contributor to INFJblog.com. Want to write for us? Let’s get in touch.